- Apples: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, malewife our way out of this one, boys.
- Veils: Manslaughter it is, then.
I originally posted this on twitter exactly 2 years ago.
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SWORDTEMBER DAY 11: NEON
"Image attachment to file ‘10reasonswhyishouldbuildalasersword.doc’.
From the personal laptop of Professor ■■■■■. File created on ■■/■■/■■■■"
Laser swords, my beloved. And who knows maybe we'll see this sword again in a future project 👀
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Ha!!!!😺
OH MY GOD
Lemme tell you how I scammed Columbia House Record Club out of hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars in the late 1970s.
See, these ads up there were in every magazine. The idea was you’d clip out the ad and check off 13 popular records/tapes from the available list (and YES they were real albums from popular groups, not weird shitty music nobody had ever heard of) stuff your order in an envelope along with $1, mail it in, and BOOM: 4 to 6 weeks later a USPS box would arrive with your music! Thirteen albums! All yours, no strings attached.
Oh wait. One string.
Well, a dozen strings.
Because as part of the membership you agreed to buy 12 albums over the course of the next year at “regular club prices” plus shipping. And “regular club pricing” was full-on retail, plus 86 cents per album for shipping. So: $8.99 + .86 per purchase x 12 = $118.20
Or about $500 bucks in 2022 dollars.
So every month you’d get the “club magazine” sent to your mailbox -- basically a catalog of albums you could buy -- and you’d either select an album a month for full price, or not find anything you wanted and put off the purchase until next month. Which... do that a few times and all of a sudden you’re looking at a backlog of unbought commitments that rack up fast.
Yeah. It was a bit of a trap.
But there was a stupidly easy way out, and it started with the initial “13 albums for $1″ deal. See, what you could do (but nobody ever said out loud) was this: select only ONE album, and start your membership that way. Send in your selected ONE album + $1 and in 4 to 6 weeks you’d get in the mail--
--a package containing your ONE album, plus 12 vouchers for one album each, for the albums you neglected to select. Literally 12 coupons entitling you to a free album.
Next step: you cancel your membership. Return the album (but not the vouchers) with a letter saying YOU SUCK THIS WAS A MISTAKE I HATE YOU I WANT OUT FUCK OFF
And since you returned the merchandise they’d release you from your membership and everything’s groovy. No harm, no foul.
Wait a week.
Then, you sign up AGAIN for the same “13 albums for $1″ deal. But this time you select 13 albums, and 4 to 6 weeks later you get your package with 13 records/tapes. Now you have one year to buy 12 albums for “full price”.
Which you satisfy by using the 12 vouchers you got from the FIRST membership. So 4 to 6 weeks after THAT you get a dozen MORE records, this time for free. And since you’ve completed your membership requirements you can quit at any time just by checking a box on a form. Which you do, because fuck Columbia House.
I did this at least four times between 1979 and 1981 and they never caught on.
My record/tape collection was massive and I think I paid maybe $5 total.
I was 16 at the time.
More Ephemera for Confluence!
More mysteries to unfold; What does Tensor fruit taste like, why does a dog own a pub and who took these pictures? 📷
And also, which of the Chrona watch's Many versions would you like to have best, (never mind that it seats you within a chronolock for a city entirely paused in the time stream)?
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